Feeling used and broken

I have been really struggling lately. With the holidays it seems as if all my hard work attempting to create distance from my family is gone. It’s always something with them, now it’s my dad’s birthday. We are expected to drive out there for every event and it’s too much. This time it all started because my middle brother and his wife are going to be in town in a couple of weeks from out-of-state. So the plan was to try to get everyone together for dad’s birthday while they are here. The problem is they are only available on Friday and asked if we can make it on that day. How on earth are we going to make it on a Friday? I asked what time and they said they were hoping before 6 pm. Are you kidding me? I don’t think they get it, we live hours away! Are you wanting us to take off work in order to be there? What is your plan for how we can make it? How else would we get there on time? It just absolutely baffles me and I feel like they have no respect for us, or our work. I told them we could do Saturday but if that doesn’t work for everyone than just keep it on Friday. We won’t be able to make it but I also let them know that it’s okay because it gets difficult for us to come out there for every event. Since it takes us so long to get there and back, plus the event itself, we have to bring our dogs with us and it can be a lot to handle. Well what they decided instead, which I really don’t understand, is to move it to Saturday but my middle brother & his wife won’t be able to make it. I am completely confused by this decision because I thought the whole reason why we were planning this was because they were going to be in town. I voiced this concern but it went nowhere. I just feel like I can’t keep doing this. My parents are also already trying to plan another weekend with me as well, which I’m hoping won’t happen because of my work schedule, and my mom & sister-in-law’s birthdays are next month. Meaning I’ll get to do this all over again. It’s one thing if it was just the gatherings, but it’s the constant phone calls and text messages leading up to the events as well. I just can’t take it anymore. I’ve already been very over phone calls with my mom because she has been asking me constant questions about my oldest brother’s dogs and then bothering them with the information. I have had to repeatedly tell my mom that if they have questions, which they don’t, they can call me directly. She just completely ignores me and continues to drill me for more information and then overwhelms my brother with it in my name. I honestly feel like my family has absolutely no respect for me and instead just uses me. Often times I feel like I’ll never be happy while I’m still in contact with them but I can’t imagine cutting them out either. I like the idea of distancing myself but it doesn’t seem to work very well and they don’t respect any of the boundaries I setup. Just feeling at a loss and am avoiding re-evaluating our relationship.

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