Emotional Week

I have continued to struggle this week with my brother moving away. I am very happy for him and his wife and think they are making a great choice. It just really hurts to see how my family is reacting and how sad they are to see them leave. When I moved away my brother’s barely even said good-bye. Honestly, I think they were happy to see me go. Once I left, I felt like they finally had the perfect family they’ve always wanted. It’s just hard to watch this close, loving family who all care so dearly about one another just not about you. It’s the kind of family you’d observe from the outside and wish was your own; except it is my family but I’m not a part of it. I know I shouldn’t be too upset, because on the inside my family is as broken as can be; but that doesn’t mean the desire just disappears. I always wished I’d find this closeness with my in-laws but that’s also never going to happen. They are very nice to me now that we’re married, but we couldn’t be more different. Maybe one day I’ll be able to create a family of friends but it hasn’t happened yet. I tend to have trouble making and keeping friends and constantly find myself being used in one-sided relationships, similar to how my family treats me. I am so thankful to have my husband and my dogs in my life because without them I would feel so alone.

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