Family Weekend Part 2

Yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Saturday was my brother’s birthday which I wrote about in my blog Family Weekend Part 1, but yesterday was their going away party. Everything seemingly went well yet I feel in turmoil. I always get incredibly nervous when I’m around my family and I have always used humor as a coping mechanism. Well yesterday I got nervous and made a bad joke that only came off mean at the party. Hopefully everyone will forget and move on but I am left hating myself and wondering why I ever even open my mouth to begin with. It was also difficult to see all of our friends and how close they all are with one another but not us. Even with all of that, the real icing on the cake though was listening to everyone talk and make plans to visit them and hearing that we should go too. When we moved away nobody came to visit us. We were gone for four years and would constantly plan ideas for people to come and visit but my parents were the only ones to come. My own brothers didn’t even come out when I graduated from professional school, one of the most important days of my life. Yet I’m supposed to come visit them? I don’t think so. The hurt, the pain, the sadness, and the memories/reminders never seem to go away. I wish them the very best of luck though and hope that maybe one day I can move on as well.

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