Missing my Family

I previously wrote about my sister-in-law’s upcoming baby sprinkle in my blog Baby Sprinkle Guilt. Well now is the time and I am absolutely dreading going. My sister-in-law used to be my best friend; she was the sister I never had and always wanted. Now she barely even speaks to me ever since my brother and I got into a disagreement six years ago. Ever since that disagreement my family made it very clear that I was not welcome in the family anymore, yet I’m still expected to show up for these events. It’s so hard seeing everyone and having to pretend to look happy. Watching her my other sister-in-law being close friends, just wishing we could all be close together but I know that it’s never going to happen. I’ve always wanted a big family yet I’m all alone, well besides my husband of course. I feel like my family is always just waiting for me to fail which is what makes this visit so hard. I only have a temporary job, I haven’t lost the weight I wanted, and I don’t have any kids. Personally I don’t want kids right now but they have all made it very clear that that’s what I should be doing by now. I just want to get through the day. I hate these events because I just end up looking at the family that I wish I had and that they all have together which doesn’t include me.

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