Not Feeling Emotionally Supported

Last night I was beyond furious with my husband. That morning I had received news of an early opening in a training program that I have been wanting to attend. It usually takes several months for an opening but there was an opportunity in only one month. I wanted to talk to him first before accepting though. It’s pretty expensive and I was worried that I was making a mistake paying for it myself instead of looking for a job and potentially having them send me. Plus I had already spent some of our own money on previous educational training. Of course he had a late meeting after work that day so he didn’t get home until around 9:30 pm. I had been texting him about the opportunity so he knew we needed to talk. When he got home he went right into it before even changing which was nice but also felt very rushed. I told him he can change and get comfortable then then we can discuss it. Well this lead to him getting comfortable and going on telling me all about his day. I told him I was frustrated that we were talking about his day instead of my news and that now we don’t have time to talk about my stuff anymore. I had a show that I was wanting to watch and he knows that. I watch it every week. Just because he got home late doesn’t change the fact that I was wanting to watch my show. I tried talking to him after but he was on his phone and then was his usual unenergetic, apathetic sounding self who always seems half asleep during our conversations. Then he wonders why I’m upset. He says it’s my fault for not talking about it the second he got home. Really? How about all of those times that I’m the “nagging wife” because I try to go right into things when he walks in the door without letting him relax first. It’s lose-lose and we just ended up in a huge fight. Now I don’t feel supported I don’t have answers, and I feel stupid for waiting all day to talk to him when it wasn’t even helpful. At this point I might as well have just made a decision without including or discussing it with him. I don’t know why he does this to me and I wish he cared that it hurts me. To be fair I did come into the conversation already very nervous and anxious but I wish he had seen that and supported me more, even though I’m sure he was tired from a long day. It’s hard because logically I know how much he loves me and would support me no matter what, but emotionally sometimes I’m just not feeling what I need from him.

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2 thoughts on “Not Feeling Emotionally Supported

  1. Kailey says:

    This sounds so hard, I feel you. Sometimes though when we step back, we realize we need more than you can expect from one person. While you feel you’re in a lose lose situation, he may feel the same way. He came home prepared to talk about it with you (maybe because he had perceived it as time sensitive and important) but then you assured him it was okay to settle in for the night first. This was great on your part, trying to not ‘nag’ and understand him, but he may have seen it as a sign you didn’t need to talk about it right away- so he shared about himself. You feel like its lose lose because you talk to him when he walks in the door and you’re a nagging wife, you wait and he doesn’t want to listen. He feels like its lose lose because he walks in the door to talk to you but that wasn’t what you wanted, and he waited (maybe waiting to say you were ready?) and that made you mad too.

    Communication is so important, not just in telling the person you love what you need from him, but HOW they can give you what you need. This might mean not just admitting you don’t feel emotionally supported, but being honest with him about when you need him to hear you out rather than waiting until after he’s failed to, and made you upset.

    I hope that helps and you get the love and support you need (and hopefully get to go to that training program you wanted to). ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • journalingtravels says:

      I think you hit the nail on the head! We have since talked about it and yes I am going to the training program and feel very supported in doing so. Like you said communication is very important, unfortunately both of us aren’t very good at it so it takes us a little bit longer. Often for us that means walking away and coming back to it when things are a little less heated. Marriage is continual work but I guess as long as we’re willing to do that work together then hopefully things will continue forward. Thank you very much for the advice, it’s always nice to get an outside opinion. Sometimes we’re too close to see our own faults and think about how the other is feeling. I feel often times we both think we’re trying to help each other but end up making wrong assumptions instead of just communicating.

      Like

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