Holiday Guilt Trip

Yesterday I blogged about how my mom was wanting to call me in my post Suffocated by Mom. So I talked to her yesterday and it was awful, as expected. It seems like she basically just called to try and get invited to Thanksgiving at our place. She had told me in the text message that she wanted to talk about Thanksgiving but I just assumed she was going to tell me about family plans, not try to get included in plans. The worst part is how she goes about it though. I wish she would just be honest and open about what she wants. She started out by telling me that they were planning on going to the river house for Thanksgiving and we were more than welcome to come, unless of course there was any reason why they shouldn’t be going. I said not that I’m aware of, then she told me my brothers’ were both busy and that she would love for her and my dad to come out and spend the holiday with us at our place. I informed her that we wanted to do a quiet holiday just the two of us like we’ve been doing for the last four years while we were living out of state. She then told me that she was disappointed and was really hoping to come out here. So why on earth was she telling me about their plans to go out of town? Why didn’t she just start with this? She later said that she understands but honestly it doesn’t seem like it. It’s just hard because I know if my brothers had plans that included them, my parents would choose my brothers over me every time. History has proven this to be the case. Yet she never gives them a guilt trip for not including them in their plans. So why should I be made to feel guilty when I’m their third choice? They don’t seem to really even want to be with me, but instead just don’t want to be alone. I don’t care to work my butt off cleaning and cooking for a holiday with people who only stress me out, make me feel guilty, and don’t really even want to be there. And if that wasn’t enough she then proceeded to tell me they were going to be “in town” later this week. Well it’s a little late notice and you’re still not even going to be that close to us. I told her this week was bad and that my husband would be busy with work, which she only took to mean that he would be busy and I would be free. I refuse to hang out with them alone though. When it’s just me and them they treat me like a child. I’m just their little girl again that they can walk all over and try to manipulate. The call ended with her asking me repeatedly if there was anything else I was wanting to talk to her about. When I’d say no she would just ask if I was sure. I responded that it seems like she had something on her mind which she replied no. She treats me like I’m hiding information from her. She doesn’t need to know everything that I do though! She’s not my spouse, I’m not hiding information it’s just not her information to know. Times like these make me seriously rethink cutting her out of my life but obviously that would be a very difficult decision to have to make about your own parents. I just don’t think it’s normal or fair that every conversation elicits such strong emotions of anger, guilt, stress, anxiety, etc. I know I’m doing the right thing by setting boundaries but the more I try to set them the more they push back.

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