My Mom wants to be my Friend

Lately I have been ignoring my mom’s text messages. I have previously blogged in Phone Calls with Mom about how talking with her is always an obligation and I understand this will continue to be a problem for the rest of our time together. The text messages that she sends me don’t really need to be responded to, although I know she’s writing them to try and start a conversation about nothing. She writes me every 1-4 days, which for me is excessive. I feel bad for her though. I know she wants to be close; she has mentioned several times that she wishes we were best friends. After everything growing up that’s just never going to happen; besides she’s my mom not my friend. It’s hard because she doesn’t really have any other friends, which I know can be lonely because I don’t really either. For my mom it’s becaues my dad doesn’t really allow her to have friends. If she has guy friends he goes crazy with jealousy and forbids it, which is absolutely ridiculous because he’s the one always flirting with other women. If she has girlfriends he gets jealous of her time and says they are a bad influence or that she doesn’t care about him anymore because she isn’t spending time with him. My mom always makes excuses for him that she feels bad for him and that he’s really just an insecure person. That’s probably true but that still doesn’t make his actions acceptable. Because of all of this I have felt guilty for years that I needed to be there for my mom. The problem is she puts her problems on me in an unhealthy way. She talks and unloads her emotional burdens on me. She talks to me like you should your therapist not your child. I’m trying very hard to create a more healthy dynamic but it’s hard. I’ve learned that while explaining and talking to her about what I want is nice and polite; nothing is actually going to change unless I set the boundaries. Unfortunately sometimes that means ignoring. It has taken me years to learn that sometimes the hardest thing to do can also be the best thing you can do for your own health.

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