Baseball Game with Family

Last night I went to a baseball game with my brother and his wife. I don’t even know what to say about it. I didn’t really want to go. It’s how I always feel with my family. No matter how excited I am about seeing them, the closer it gets the more I start regretting everything. My anxiety started before we even left with what to wear. I feel his wife has been quick to judge me in the past, probably because we are the same age. I was worried I would look too fat and they would judge me and my lifestyle, especially since I’m not working right now and should have more time to exercise. Then it came to parking. We weren’t able to park near them which had me snapping at my husband. I wanted them to know we had tried and always worry when I don’t do things perfect with them. During the game we talked a lot and things seemed great. Overall it seemed like we had a fun time together. Which is why I don’t know what to think. Talking with my husband on the way home about the night made me realize there were a lot of things said that I didn’t like and felt were rude. Maybe they think the same thing about me too, I don’t know. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive or critical of the situation but all I know is at the end of the day I left feeling worse about myself than when I arrived.

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