The Mind

The mind is a very powerful thing but what happens when it is sick and who is there to care for it? Most importantly how do we recognize that it needs to be cared for? Growing up I thought the things I worried about were normal and that everyone experienced the same fears. I had friends that also jumped onto their bed after turning off the lights because they too were worried about what might be hiding under the bed. So I just assumed everything else was normal too. After a bad dream as a kid where people broke into our house, I always shut my bedroom door to sleep. I thought that if I had my door closed that I would’ve heard them coming into my room and had time to hide. Even to this day I still sleep with my door closed because of that dream. I would also check under my bed every night and under the sheets just in case there was something, anything, that might be hiding. All of these seemed fairly harmless but there were other things too. At night I refused to look at any windows. I always had this image that there would be a face of a man looking back in watching me. Obviously this thought terrified me. I would also avoid looking in mirrors at night because I was afraid of seeing the devil. This fear came from listening to kids at my church school who wanted to play bloody marry. Then there was the shower. Every time I had to close my eyes, for example to shampoo my hair, I was terrified that the devil would be in my face when I opened my eyes again. I have no idea where that fear came from. These fears, and others like them, followed me for at least 15 years. I didn’t know how big of a problem they were and I didn’t know how to fix them. The interesting thing is, I later found out my grandma had these similar thoughts and fears. To be honest I’m not even sure how they were ever fixed but slowly I stopped worrying about them. Maybe it was because I was so busy and exhausted that I didn’t have the energy to keep worrying or maybe it’s because my husband makes me feel so safe and secure. I’ll never know. I just wish I had realized that I needed help a lot sooner.

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