Overstepping Dad

After I graduated last year were we both looking for jobs and interviewed all over. One of the offers I received was from out-of-state. It was a fantastic offer but the job was a little nontraditional for my field. The offer was so good, though, that we were very close to accepting. In the end it wasn’t quite the job for me. Being fresh out of school I was looking for a more traditional environment to learn. While we were contemplating the offer, I told my family about the possibility of us moving. Before making our decision, my dad told us that I shouldn’t take the job because of the poor quality of church schools in that area to raise our children. Let me be clear, we don’t have any children. My dad was worried that we would get settled and then find out we don’t like the schools and feel stuck. Instead of voicing this concern to us, he decided to take it upon himself to research the school system and tell us it was a bad idea to move there. This is not the first time he has done something like this. Another example is when we first got married. We were moving out-of-state and he called my school to ask about housing options in the area. Without asking or telling us and here he was doing it again. There are several things wrong with this situation in particular. First off why don’t you just tell us your concern and if we are also worried about it, then we can do our own research and make our own decision for our future family. Second we don’t have any children. Maybe we want to move there for a couple of years and when we decide on having kids we’ll move to where the good schools are or maybe we don’t even want kids or maybe we can’t have kids. It is not his place to know or to make decisions for us and our possible future. Third, even if we do have kids in the future, who said we are going to raise them in a church school just because that is how we were raised. That seems like something we should discuss and decide as a couple. When I confronted him with these things he said he was just worried that we’d make the same mistake they did. However, there are two problems with that statement. One you could just tell us that instead of trying to make decisions for us. Two, when my parents made the mistake of moving to an area with bad schools, they already had three school aged kids. My dad is constantly overstepping and he often treats me like a child. I am a grown woman and my husband and I get to make the decisions that are best for us. It has gotten to the point where we can no longer tell him names, or other key facts, about places or things we are doing or considering because he always looks them up on the internet and gives us his unwanted opinion. I wish my family could see me as the adult that I am. One that is capable of making my own decisions about what is right for me and my new family.

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