Not So Happy Hour

My husband and I don’t drink. We were both raised in a religion that discouraged alcohol but that’s not the reason why we don’t drink. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and alcoholism runs in my family. I made the choice at a young age not to drink and as an adult I don’t even want alcohol in the house. I fear that if I drink or even have it available that it will control me just as it did my dad. My husband is very understanding and chooses not to drink as well. Sometimes, even though I know he doesn’t drink, I still worry. Just the other night he went out after work with his coworkers to happy hour. I’m glad that he was able to go out, have some fun, and socialize. And even though I know there is nothing to worry about I still have this pit in my stomach. How many times did my dad come home and tell us he hadn’t been drinking, so why would this be any different. My husband is not an alcoholic needing to lie to me but I still can’t shake the feelings from the past. I can’t live that life again. I can’t go through what I went through growing up. I feel bad asking him when he gets home if he had anything to drink but I need to hear it from him. It doesn’t help that in his parents relationship his dad would do things behind his mom’s back and never tell her. Again I know that our marriage is different but with a topic so hurtful and sensitive to me I have a hard time trusting. I love my husband very much and want to believe in our love, trust, and respect for one another. Maybe one day these old wounds will heal or at least continue to fade.

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