Phone Calls with Mom

How often should we call or talk with our parents? I’m sure this is different for everyone. My mom used to call me every week and talk for well over an hour. Keep in mind that this was during a time that I barely had enough free time to spend with my husband. Also the stress that I was under at the time was almost unbearable and she knew that. It is one thing if these were enjoyable conversations but often they were just to get information about what I was doing to share with everyone. I found out that she would take notes during our phone calls so she could remember everything in exact detail to share with others, without my permission. When she wasn’t doing that she would go on and on about my brothers. If my brothers were really that interested in me, or I with them, then we could always just call each other. It completely ruined what little relationship I did have with my brothers because we had no reason to talk to one another. It also didn’t matter how many times you tried to get off the phone with her. Then she’d make it seem like she was doing everything for your benefit. When I finally reached my previously mentioned breaking point; I cut all communication with my family for the school year. They were more than welcome to call my husband any time they wanted and he could screen information for me. After things in my family cooled down I started talking with them more. The problem with my mom is that calling is always an obligation. It’s not that when we talk it’s because I want to talk with her it’s that she calls or text me etc. It has gotten to the point where it is almost weekly again. The thing is neither one of us really has enough to talk about for long weekly phone calls but that doesn’t seem to deter her. She talks to me about the weather, my brothers, household errands, etc. I have tried not answering for a day or two and then returning her call or text but she will just call again later that day to try and catch me. If she doesn’t hear from me then she worries that something has happened. The only thing that has happened is that I have grown up and started my own life. Every phone call, every text, brings me stress and anxiety. It doesn’t seem to matter how I feel or when is a good time for me to talk, but what do I know. I guess I will have to talk to her again about talking less frequently but obviously that’s always a hard conversation to have. I have told her before and I’ll tell her again though. When we do talk I want it to be because I love her and want to talk with her, not because it has become an obligation. At this rate, I’m not sure we’ll ever get to that point though.

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