Birthday’s

I absolutely love holidays. To me they break up the year and break up life. The day-to-day changes, decorations bring cheer, and everyone seems to be in a great mood. Although for me holidays often ended in tears, especially my birthday. I still love them, even though I have no reason to. Hoping each year maybe things would be different; yet often ending the same. Growing up my birthday always ended up on events for my brothers. I often spent my birthday at a hotel or maybe my grandma’s house. Surrounded by family but no friends. Doing things I didn’t want to do and being places I didn’t want to be. Almost always the trip ended in a family fight and me crying silently on the way home. It wasn’t until high school when I finally got to do what I wanted. My boyfriend (now husband) asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do. I had never been asked before. We went to an amusement park with my family and I had the best time with him. I had so much fun that I wanted to go again the next year but my family complained and said we had already done that. Really? We had already done that? What about the last 10 or 15 years where I spent my birthday at your events? Nobody ever asked you to go to an event for me on your birthday. Okay your event lands on my birthday every year so why don’t we celebrate the next weekend? No that’s not okay with you? Oh because that’s not my birthday or you have events the other weekends as well? Well to me this isn’t my birthday. This isn’t what I would want to do for my birthday. Ever since the amusement park my husband has made such an effort to make my birthday fun and about me but my family always tries to get involved. Often causing me stress and anxiety which wind up ruining my birthday. There was the year that we couldn’t do anything and had to have it at my parents because my mom was recovering from elective plastic surgery. Or the time my brothers boycotted my birthday. And even this year with my birthday fast approaching my parents are trying to schedule my birthday to fit their travel/vacation plans. It never seems like much but it’s always something. It is as if it is their party and I am just a guest. It is always about them and never about what would make me happy. I have tried to talk to them, I have tried to do my own thing and not include them, but I always seem at a loss. Often times the backlash is worse than submitting. It has gotten to the point where we have two parties. One that we have together just the two of us and our dogs and another with the family. At some point, though, no one has time for two parties. They will have to just get over the fact that they aren’t included. My birthday is mine to celebrate and if they aren’t the people I want to celebrate with, if they aren’t the people that want to be happy with me, then that’s too bad. I get to make my own choices and they need to learn to respect that. And it they can’t? That’s okay too because I am still going to have a great birthday because I choose to.

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