Family

Learning how to be happy isn’t always easy. How do you stop the negative thoughts in your head that have consumed your life for so long? Am I good enough? Am I strong enough or kind enough or loving enough? If I am then why don’t I feel like I am? Where are all my friends? Where is my family? Why do I always end up feeling so used? I have learned over the years how to distance myself from the people that are damaging to me. Even when those people include those that should be supporting you, such as your family. It has taken years to find a healthy distance from my family. I am very lucky to have the wonderful support of my husband but even that doesn’t always seem to be enough. When I reached my breaking point with them was when they almost ruined my career that I had worked so hard to achieve. I knew it had to be done but that doesn’t make it any easier. Don’t get me wrong we still talk and get together regularly; but now I have realistic expectations about those relationships. I still miss them dearly. I want to be close. I want to have girl time with my mom and sister-in-laws. I want to be a fun aunt; but all of these things have their limits and that’s okay. I have learned to enjoy the moments that I do have even if rare or few and far between. Maybe one day I can have a community of friends that are closer than family. The key is to surround myself with people that uplift me instead of put me down. While I do get jealous when I see other supportive families, all I can hope for is that one day I can provide that for my children even though it wasn’t provided to me. Maybe one day we can support each other (my husband and myself) as well as support our new family.

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